The following notes were taken by the Quest Demon to record the events of his many quests. Some of the notes can be difficult to understand due to the Demon’s tendency to ramble and misspell words.
Tables 1-9 all took place when the Quest Demon was chained up in the Quest Cave, so all notes from this time have missing information due to the demon not physically being there. Instead, it had to use it’s powers to project visions of the quest to itself.
The Quest Demon was released from the Quest Cave by Augustus shortly before Table 10. Both Table 10 and Table 11’s notes were taken in-person, which is why they were formatted differently from the rest.
The Quest Demon invented Wick Tubes before Table 12 to record his quests on video. Table 12 and Table 13 have both videos and notes. All quests after that only have videos.
As the name suggests, ‘The Table‘ is a wooden table created by the Quest Demon. Small figurines representing people and things are moved around the table top as a projection of the quests.
Some Tables don’t take place chronologically. As an example, Table 7 takes place years after Table 8. This is due to the Demon’s ability to see into the future (see the Table Timeline for more information).
Table 1 Notes:
Clubbervil: Alexander Hayden, Velvetta Cleatus, and Senior Queso all have dreams one night that convince them to go to a town called clubbervil. When they get there, they are met by a farmer who tells them about the Drought Lord and he will give them gold if they kill him. The farmer also provides them with cows, alex’s cow is purple and named Mama Milkers. Queso’s cow is white and Velvetta’s cow is brown. FURTHER DATA NEEDED ON THE NAME OF THE COWS (1). The farmer also gives them three bars of gold.
Tavern: the three go to the town tavern. Velvetta buys a beer with gold and shares it will the others (Velvetta can only drink alcohol if it’s mixed with blood). They then get into a big bar fight. Alex gets punched through a window. Velvetta and Queso escape.
Quick Detour: Alex goes into the woods and gets some logs and sticks. He almost gets attacked by monster.
Corn Field: They encounter a scarecrow with a sword. They try to take it but the scarecrow comes to life. Alex gets scared and runs away. FURTHER DATA NEEDED ON HOW THE SCARECROW WAS DEFEATED (2). (Its possible the scarecrow was defeated by the crew taking his stick arms) Queso takes the sword.
Caves: They encounter a lizardman with a magic staff. Queso takes his clothes and he feels embarrassed. Alex takes his staff. Queso uses his clothes to make a purple shirt.
Bridge: They find an old bridge but are scared that it could collapse. They search the banks of the river and find an old boat. They all get in (including the cows) but Queso can’t fit. Queso tries to cross the bridge, but falls through into the river. Queso drinks all of the river water and walks to the other side.
Witch Hut: They encounter a witch who offers to sell them potions. The crew doesn’t buy any. The witch is also the same witch that gave Queso the ability to speak.
Pumpkin Patch: They encounter a demon (the pumpkin demon) chained up next to the pumpkins. He is hostile at first, but the crew offers to set him free from his chains if he gives them his pumpkins. He agrees, gives them three pumpkins. The demon then flies off to terrorize other towns.
Dragon Den: They find a sleeping red dragon on his hoard of gold. They try to sneak past but it wakes up. FURTHER DATA NEEDED ON HOW THEY DEALT WITH THE DRAGON (3). (They possibly give it a pumpkin) They take some of it’s gold.
Lair: They find the Drought Lord in his lair. He has five vampires protecting him. Velvetta opens the window letting sunlight in killing two. Queso pees out the river water on the other three and kills them. They kill the drought lord by decapitating him. Queso take his skull.
Necromancer Camp: They find a necromancer lizardman, and it raises skeletons to fight them. The crew kills the skeletons and Queso steals the lizardman’s clothes to make blue pants. Alex then gave the lizardman his hat to pacify it.
Gas Station: They go to a gas station and they buy a bag to protect the skull. The gas station worker then tried to sell them cocaine. FURTHER DATA NEEDED ON IF THEY BOUGHT THE COCAINE (4). Alex also took the worker’s hat.
Witch Hut (again): When they get back to the witch hut, Queso buys a health potion.
Bridge (again): They just walk across the river because Queso drank all the water.
Monolith (north): They get to a monolith and they meet a priest (that priest is Steve). The priest tells them that if they find a blessing from Augustus, they should bring it to him.
Ritual Site: They find a skeleton with a sword inside it. A small piece of paper was stuck on the sword. Queso takes the sword and the paper (which is a blessing from Augustus) and the dead guy rises from the dead. FURTHER DATA NEEDED ON HOW THEY KILLED THE DEAD GUY (5).
Monolith (north) (again): They bring the blessing to Steve, and the blessing is granted and it summons gold. Unfortunately, the gold summons above Steve’s head and crushes him. The police see this and arrest the crew. FURTHER DATA NEEDED ON HOW THEY ESCAPE THE POLICE (6). (also, when Queso becomes king before Table 4, he makes Steve his royal priest of Clubbervil because he feels bad for crushing him).
Another Quick Detour: Queso builds a hat out of wood. FURTHER DATA NEEDED ON WHY ALEX’S CLOTHS ARE PURPLE AT THE END OF THE GAME (7).
Clubbervil (again): They get back to the farmer and they give him the skull. The farmer gives them riches such as gold.
Table 2 Notes:
Base: The crew went to spooky hollows to trik-r-treat. At the base they brought toilet paper, eggs, and a bomb.
907: A woman gives them each 2 salt water taffy. TREAT
908: They meet a man named Gary who gives them dum-dums (velvetta gets it). They sneak into his backyard and say hi to his dog named doogle. He barks at them and they try to get into Gary’s back door but it’s locked. TREAT
909: The house has a sign supporting an evil ruler. They knock on the door but he comes out of the house and shoots at one of them. FURTHER DATA NEEDED ON WHETHER THE MAN SHOT ALEX OR VELVETTA (1). They tricked him by covering his sign in a drawing of a rainbow. TRICK
910: a weird guy answers and they give him lollipop with razor in it. FURTHER DATA NEEDED ON WHAT THE CREW DID WITH THE LOLLIPOP (It’s possible either Alex or Velvetta ate it) (2). They flood his basement and he drowns. TRICK
911: The pumpkin demon answers and gives them each a bag of pumpkin candycorn as thanks. TREAT
Shack: They find a man living in a shack named Jason. Jason says he will give them a bag of nerds gummy clusters if they can direct him towards the nearest highschool. They give him the 909 house. Jason kills the guy who shot them. They get gummy clusters. They steal Jason’s Mother’s decapitated head and store it in 908’s garage. TREAT.
Tomb: They find the tomb of the Drought Lord. There are 4 vampires mourning. Velvetta tells them to get over it. FURTHER DATA NEEDED ON HOW THEY KILLED THE VAMPIRES (3).
912: A snake man answers and he doesn’t give them candy. He hisses at him. FURTHER DATA NEEDED ON WHETHER ALEX WAS ATTACKED OR VELVETTA WAS ATTACKED (4). Queso steals his cloths.
913: a capybara answers. her name is Senorita Quesadilla. She gives them two boxes of pizza. The box she gave to alex was empty because she ate it. Queso brings her along in a red wagon and he gives her the lizard man’s cloths.
914: A preist answers and he gives them religious text. FURTHER DATA NEEDED ON HOW THEY TRICK HIM (5). TRICK
Lake: They meet a fisherman who tasks them with dumping an oddly human-body shaped bag in the lake in return for taffy. They check the bag and inside is several illegal items. They are relieved. Then they realized there is a body under the items. They deny and leave.
Corn Maze: A farmer tasks them to scare away ghosts in his feild. The do it by summoning Beetle Guy.
Rich house: Right before they reach the house, a bully stops them and tries to steal their candy. They give him the religious text. At the house, they see full sized candy. They also see a sign that says “please take one”. They ignore it and take all of it.
Base (again): They go back to the base to hand out candy to kids.
FURTHER DATA NEEDED ON WHY QUESO HAS POPCORN AND A WEIRD WOODEN BOWL (6).
Table 9 Notes:
Eric and Kyle the gnomes went to school with Alexander Hayden. Their motto is “I don’t gnomeu!” The school is called gnomeu. Southern recreationland.
Suckually transmitted diseases
They traded shirts with the ancient gnome that said I love beer, one of them was misprinted and said I love bear for free beer.
Ursa Major monkeys
The antipriest apprentice name is repete
Table 10 Notes:
Queso flys on sword
Queso took Velveeta shoe as buffer to carry the knguy’s
They convinced Dr maps to come along because they said he could document new areas
They rode their cows across the river
Velveeta shot the boat scout in the eye and he sank because physics
Velveeta got punched by the buff guy
Queso very effectively just crack that guy’s like an egg
They convinced gnomish knifer by saying they’d give him the knife at the end and now he is a spy
They gave Jackie a fish from the river that jumped into their pockets
They threw a dead Bush on the fire and now there’s smoke so they couldn’t see. The lizard men. Then queso stole his pants.
Velveeta charms the snake man with a flute
Queso ripped out the minions eyes and flip them upside down and that made them very happy.
Maybe it was eye liner
Queso used flame sword on chill guy. He is now a half. Alex axed the other half. Steam guy
Pete had a prostitute in his backpack don’t question it. The strange creature loved it. They gave it her legs. She’s in a wheelchair. He had no clue why it was in there. Repete put her in there. They sewed the legs to the creature.
Steve built sleds and skis out of a tree and sled down the mountain
Earthquake
Fiddlegnome beard to pull the door open
Steve tickled the wraith wraith with his scythe
The skeleton in the gold sliced Steve
He’s mcduckin it. Steve tips the gold on top of the skeleton.
Alexander hadn’t had garlic under his hat unknowing to him allegedly and they used it to kill the vampires and Velveeta cleetus turned into a bat to avoid it.
Garlic hates vampires
Drought lord droughts Alex.
He tit sucks from momma milkers
It’s grape milk
Cletus arrows him
Steve gives him ricin cigarette from gnomanburg
Queso ate the shoe
Fiddlegnome comes out of gnomewhere swinging from branches and strangles the drought lord
Ford explorer pecks the s*** out of that snake
Salmon was tickles by ore by Steve
They pulled the salmon in on a hook with vampire hair
They fillete him
Transvamp (????) just a little
Alex drowmed by vampire in river but Steve grabbed you
Queso wiggles on dragon
Alex gives Rolox. He softens
Velveeta tictac
He kiss lady and fly away.
Splash mountain
Steve writes join us now on his hat
Tim turns around and the other side of his hat says okay
Nagi is snake head
Salmon skin roll
Noah Mitchell schriver is friend with Hayden
John soda sold Alexander Hayden drug soda because he’s in the market of black market drugs he also comes with to sell soda to the legions
Alexander Hayden meets a man in the woods and his name is Dr. Saps and he has PhD is baby trees. Hans sapling. He sell plant out hutt
Sam Button. Bam Sutton. Queso rubs his button
They come with because their pocher is Krodamdam
Everybody knows you can’t trust Dirgis
Everyone knows you can’t wake Sigrid
Queso broke the queens window
Velveeta threatened her and it worked behead
Steve tame a bear with magic. Fluffer nutters
Skeleton attacks Velveeta. Queso sleeps.
Velveeta potato bombs the zombie.
They push the skeleton over cuz he’s weak
Gym is flag bearer of gym legion from longs ago.
What’s up bro think of me when you read this next you’re supposed to.
Anti priest punches Steve
Ikea self assembled prostitute made by repeat
Anti gets arrowed. Undead keeps him alive
Alex has an entire arm full of roloxs
Queso flame swords him
Velveeta turned into bat and gave anti priest instant rabies and he died. Alex runs
Repete grabbed hat and poofed.
Repete was following whole time
Queso moves bodies with a spoon
The guards get lifetime soda
Velveeta shoots skeleton
Ice gets beard punched
The human gets eaten by vampire but he was poisoned with ricin so double death
Climb cabin tower. You and what army
Steve gets slashed
Sam and bam crash through windows with snake arms and bite
Fluff nuts gets offended and bites
He gets stabbed.
Ends with zooming into Repete eye.
Repete is necromancer and that’s why he has prostitute who was undead (????)
Alex drank drug soda at some point
Table 11 Notes:
The cabin:
Nothing
Ashy:
Queso pees on the fire to prevent forest fires
Ashy comes with
Geysers and springs:
Tentacle slaps Steve
Queso slice the tentacle with his spoon and made sushi and calamari
Everyone had hats on so the water didn’t get them. Steve’s staff protected Frankie and Fjord
Alex saw a wolverine named Jack Human
Velvetta saw wolf pack
Steve saw a buffalo
Queso saw grizzly
Hugag:
The moogag malled velvetta
Velvetta pacified the moogag with sushi
Velvetta took the artifact
Alex saw a moose
Velvetta saw a squatch
Steve saw a deer named Nixon
Queso saw a mountain lion
Fiddle Range:
The servant stabbed Alex
Velvetta yodeled for fiddlegnome and he came
Steve knocked the knife out of the servant’s hand and fiddle gnome strangles him with his own beard
Queso picks up the artifact
Alex sees dum dum
Velvetta sees grizzly
Steve sees black bear
Queso sees squatch
Velvetta buys poison and health and queso buys stuffed bison
Hot River:
Steve used his magic to turn a cloud solid and turn it into a bridge
Alex sees a red dragon
Velvetta sees a hugag
Steve sees a squatch
Queso sees grizzly
Glacier:
Fjord pecks dino out of ice
Steve got bit by the Trex
Velveeta fed the T-Rex calamari and now he’s nice and his name is Jimmy McGill
Alex saw bobcat
Velveeta saw beaver named Benny (Benjamin Bucky Beaver). He comes with.
Steve sees a deer
Queso also sees a deer
Steve buys a big beaver pelt to make a coat out of. It was a monstrous Big Beaver that wad terrorizing people so the beaver didn’t care
Plateaus:
Steve used his staff to knock over crab legs, and the crab tripped over and dropped the artifact.
Ashy starts a big fire and they cook crab legs
Steve bought a spyglass for one doubloon
Alex sees a moose
Velveeta sees a bobcat
Steve sees a prairie dog
Queso sees a hugag
Velveeta buys five dragon teeth.
Alex buys gnome statue and news
Resting area:
The crew decides to set up camp to rest in the top of hugag woods.
Corkscrew Marmot
Dragon:
Alex took off his hat to reveal another hat and he gave the hat to the dragon to pacify him
Alex sees dum dum
Velvetta sees prairie dog
Steve sees buffalo
Queso sees buffalo
Queso pays half of prairie dog to reserve
Alex buys 13 sandwich
He comine sit into a 13 foot long sandwich
Lake:
Queso lick lick
Salmon nibbles velvetta
Steve shrunk the salmon, Velveeta drank the health potion, and they put the salmon in the jar.
Jimmy McGill has a fish
Alex sees mountain lion
Velvetta sees squatch
Steve sees tyrant Bird
Queso sees black bear
Queso buys the prairie dog and names it Chuckaroo Nie
X:
Alex takes artifact
Alex sees wolf pack
Velveeta sees coyotes
Steve sees deer: he’s collecting them
Queso sees wolverine
Loot Woods:
The kitty ate a sandwich and left because he ain’t hungry no more. Hayden Deli
Velveeta splashed poison in his eyes and his eyes are now briefly green
Alex sees moose
Velveeta sees deer
Steve sees wolverine
Queso sees bobcat
Velvetta buys spear
Pillar Woods:
Alex says hello Mr bear goodbye Mr bear.
You say goodbye but the bear says hello
Velvetta bit Alex
Feed bear sushi and they are nice
Alex sees squatch
Velvetta sees buffalo
Steve sees beaver
Queso sees coyotes
Alex buys painting (for later)
Valley:
Queso gives all of them head scratches and spankings on the way out
Too dark to see animals
Forge Peak:
Steve gives them spyglass and they get distracted and they steal the artifact and run but they relish and chase with little legs so they chuck big sanich at them,
The cabin 2:
Steve opens the door and the full moon lights long fingers away
Table 12 Notes:
Lawyers:
-Jonathan Lawful: Big bellied human with white hair, his tie only goes down half way down his belly
-Pickled Milkshake: A cow who has gone on many adventures. She once stopped a war, but a little known fact about her is she is sometimes a lawyer in clubbervil.
-Objection (O.B.) Hayden: Alex’s great uncle from pangea: He has a black hat and coat, long beard with a Tie wrapped around it. He’s a “criminal” lawyer.
-Jett Puffed: Magical living marshmallow with flaming hair (only when he wants to). He was created by a magical gnome in the woods. He worked as a lumber jack in his early years but became a cubbervil lawyer. He hops around.
Cases:
Hayden Vs. Queso
-On a trip to Outer Park last month, Senior Queso bought a Prairie Dog from Gnobody’s Doubloon Shop named Chuckaroo Nie. Queso paid for Chuckaroo in two halves. Hayden claims that this purchase was unlawful, and says that if Queso hadn’t paid for the animal in two halves, he would have bought it. Queso claims that the purchase was 100% lawful.
Clubbervil Vs. McGill
-Clubbervil officials say that a dinosaur named Jimmy McGill was illegally trafficked into clubbervil. Due to the nature of the T-rex, they have decided to take it to court.
Clubbervil Vs. Schriver
-Noah Mitchel Schriver has been taken into custody for grand theft. Supposedly, he took a grand golden statue from a local shop in clubbervil
Mr. Angry Vs. Mrs. Angry
-Mr. Angry and Mrs. Angry are getting a divorce, and they are trying to decide to gets to keep the beloved pet cat. Mr. Angry says he bought the cat, while Mrs. Angry says she grew attached to it.
The Beavers Vs. Lumber
-A bunch of beavers are suing Jack Lumber because he supposedly is taking all the wood ment for building dams. Lumber says they were up for taking.
Clubbervil Vs. Dusty
-Clubbervil officials say that Dusty, a gnome vampire, was spotted drinking a person’s blood in a local tavern. They have taken him into custody and could be put in jail for murder charges.
Table 13
Henry-Rearranging books because the storm blew them off the shelves. He was at the mololith all night waiting out the storm. He is a Monolith worker but most of his files were burned in an arson incident. He gave an axe to the crew because his uncle investigated a robbery once and he died.
Bert Bighorn-Observing a calander. He was out on the town last night and got caught in the storm. The wind supposedly swept him into the air and flung him to the ground, where he hit his head. How now has slight memory loss. He went to the Monolith to see what day it was.
Bar Guy-Working the tavern. He worked all night, and many people came inside to get out of the storm. He observed someone outside threw the window who appeared to be searching for something. When he went outside this morning, he found the nurp blanket on the roof.
Black Jack Players-Playing cards. They spent the last evening getting prepared for Augustfest. They ended the night with a card game. They heard from some buddies that the bandit was a newcomer in town.
Pete-Getting ready to go down to the festival. Last night, he was doing his duties at the Monolith. He finished the night by drinking a glass of wine to Augustus. Last night during the storm, he recalls seeing a small man or maybe a gnome running near the Monolith. He gave them a small glass of Voidka so they could send a direct message to durp.
Hazel Petty-Stealing trinkets from the Monolith. Last night she slept. She claimed she didn’t commit grand theft, only petty theft. She was threatened by cake.
Bjorn Redbeard-Lighting fireworks. He says hesitantly that he was at the at the tavern last night. He doesn’t want to talk to the travelers. He actually was gambling last night and didn’t want to tell them.
Harold Creep-Watching people. Last night he whas selling homade explosives to children when the storm started. He then found shelter in someones basement where he did illegal substances until the morning. He tried to sell them “sugar”.
Balloon Beard-Preparing a hot air balloon for flight. He says the he was preparing for the festival last night. When the storm hit, he says he had to get the balloons in a safe place. He showed the travelers the receipt to show the balloon isn’t for him. The receipt reads “H”.
Vingus Bingus-Creating a post out of a cloud and golden string. Last night, he was on a journey to find the materials needed for the post. First he needed to find the golden string. He went all the way to the bandit country to find it in a secret dungeon guarded by nine creatures with axes for arms. He then had to find an old wise priest at the top of the titan mountains who then taught him the way to capture a cloud and weave it, but he accidentally angered the priest, who sent a dangerous storm after him.
Sir Hakun Kran-Enjoying the festival. He says he came into town from Red Cloak to see the festival. He stayed in a hotel downtown. Last night he was asleep in hotel bed before he was awoken by the storm. Apparently he heard the robbery happen, however he didn’t know what it was until the morning. He actually was sent by repete to steal the gifts. When he was cornered he said “now that you know I’m behind the theft, you should know that under my hat of Augustus, which is winking, there is a hat depicting Kronder, and underneath that hat is the blue pearl. also, Repete actually did have something to do with this! He’s my boss and he sent me! And now that you know my secret I’m gonna blow you up with dynamite.” He failed.
Ray and Jayden-Parading. Last night they built the Augustus balloon thing. Ray went to bed but Jayden stayed awake to go find green dye for the eyes. He got swept up by the storm so he had to hold onto a flag pole, but otherwise it was an uneventful night.
Hunter D. Daggerarms-inmate. Last night, he was out of jail. He was on the run from Albakirk to Clubbervil, because the Albakirk police claimed that he was in a gang. He found himself in clubbervil, hiding in the court, where the cops found him and held him overnight.
Jeff Arson-inmate. He broke out of prison last night by knocking out all the guards with his fists. He then got struck by lightning as soon as he escaped, leading to his arrest. He was originally arrested for arson. He held the travelers at knifepoint that he stole from the guard.
String Cheese. Selling bread and cheese. Last night, he was just getting prepared for the festival before he went to bed and he slept through the storm. He sold them bread and cheese. In the morning he found catnip in his stand.
Cat-she was at the cafe all night and she got scared by the storm and she was sleepy.
Cow-wandered the streets for a while before heading back to the cafe. He didn’t get caught in the storm but he supposedly heard some commotion in the town center.
Capy-left the cafe to go swim in a river. It all went well until the storm hit and made the water rough. He got pulled under the water and knocked out. when he woke up about an hour later on the shore, he walked back to the cafe where he saw someone huddlong behind the cafe.
Fiddlegnome, Mondola the Purple, and Hat-they spent all night and morning trying to master the magical art of durping. Theve tried on the fireplace and even on the couch but nothing worked. They thought they had a blessing when augggie’s toy appeared in the tower, but still it didn’t work. They were very glad to see auggie so he can teach them how to durp.
Wick Tubes
